


Marvel Miscellany

by heyjupiter



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), X-Men (Movies), X-Men - All Media Types, X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Gen, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-22
Updated: 2015-12-28
Packaged: 2018-03-14 12:06:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 3,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3409985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyjupiter/pseuds/heyjupiter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a catchall collection of Marvel ficlets (mostly X-Men movieverse and MCU, but also some other guest appearances) I've written for various Tumblr & Livejournal memes and prompts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Snowpocalypse Diner AU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "CITY SHUT DOWN AU. Character A’s out of food, so they head to the local diner, despite the state of emergency. Character B is the only waiter who could make it in with the MBTA down and the roads a mess, so they end up chatting in the empty restaurant while they eat."

Logan leaned against the counter, gazing contemplatively at the little notice that said “If you have time to lean, you have time to clean.” The fact was, there was nothing to do.

Nick came out from the kitchen and asked, “Did you marry the ketchups?”

Logan said, “Everything’s done. There haven’t been any customers since the last time you asked.”

"No ketchup divorces, then?"

"Hilarious."

"Well, I appreciate you making it in for your shift despite the snow."

Logan shrugged. “There’s not that much snow.”

"There’s over five feet."

"I’m Canadian."

"Anyway, you might as well head home—" Nick said, when the door jangled.

Logan looked up and a huge, parka-clad figure walked in the door. “You’re open, right?” a booming voice asked. He lowered his furry hood and revealed a gleaming, ridiculously handsome face.

Logan swallowed. Nick grinned at him and said, “On second thought, maybe you’d better stay.” Louder, Nick said, “Yep, we’re open! Logan will be right with you.”

"Oh, thank you, Jesus," their customer said.

"Sit wherever," Logan said.

Nick retreated to the kitchen and Logan grabbed a menu and handed it to the hot stranger.

"Here’s a menu. We’re out of some stuff, though," he said.

"Honestly, I don’t care, I’m just starving. I’ll take three of whatever you’ve got."

"Okay. Anything to drink?"

"Do you guys have beer here?"

"We don’t have our liquor license," Logan said sadly. It was one of the great tragedies of his life.

"Oh, well, water’s fine."

"Alright," Logan said. He went back and told Nick his order.

"Three of whatever?" Nick asked.

"That’s what he said."

"He’s not vegetarian, is he?"

Logan scoffed. “You don’t get to be the size of that guy eating lettuce.”

"It’s Somerville, Logan, he could be eating lots of quinoa. Go ask."

"He would have said, right?"

"Go ask," Nick said.

Logan said, “Did Moira put you up to this?”

Nick scoffed. “What makes you think Moira could put me up to anything?”

Logan stared Nick in the eye until Nick finally said, “She may have mentioned something. But that’s irrelevant! I’m not gonna cook a burger for a vegetarian. So go ask!”

Logan sighed. He brought a class of water out to the customer and said, “You’re not vegetarian, right?”

"Do I look like a vegetarian?"

"That’s what I said!" Logan blurted. "But it’s Somerville, so… the cook wanted me to check."

The other man laughed. “Well, rest assured, I’ll eat whatever animal carcass you’ve got lying around. The rarer the better, really.”

"Excellent decision."

Logan went back to the kitchen and said, “He’s normal, Nick. Make him some burgers.”

"Sounds good. Um, also, Moira wanted me to tell you…" Logan shook his head and Nick continued, "She just wanted me to remind you that… it’s been a long time since Herc went back to Greece.”

"I know how long it’s been," Logan snapped.

Nick raised his hands in surrender, his phone still clutched in one. “I’m just the messenger.”

"Put your phone away and cook some food, Nick."

"Go marry some ketchup, Logan."

Logan went back up to the front and leaned against the counter. He watched the hot guy scrolling through his phone. As if sensing Logan’s gaze, the guy twisted his head around. He gestured at the empty chair across from him. “Hey, why don’t you come sit with me?” he called. “Unless you have other customers somewhere.”

"Yeah, they’re warming up in the walk-in freezer," Logan said. Then he shrugged and sat across from the guy, who rewarded him with a dazzling smile.

"I’ve just been so stir crazy, I haven’t talked to another human in days. I’m Dwayne, by the way."

"Logan."

"Yeah," Dwayne said, nodding at Logan’s nametag.

"Right."

"So. Are you in school?" Dwayne asked, which was a fairly safe question to ask any service industry worker in the area.

"I’m… between stuff," Logan said. "Uh, how about you?"

"I teach high school gym. But I really want to be an actor."

"Uh, wow," Logan said.

"I moved here from Florida because I had a scholarship to BU. I did a lot of student plays, and then I graduated and there just hasn’t been much. I don’t think a lot of people want to cast a guy who looks like me, you know?"

"Hmm," Logan said. He really doubted this guy’s looks were keeping him down.

"But I coach wrestling and it’s really rewarding," Dwayne continued. "So I guess if the acting thing doesn’t work out, then it doesn’t work out. How about you? What do you want to do?"

"Uh… I’m gonna go see if your food’s up." Logan went back to the kitchen, ignoring the crestfallen look Dwayne gave him as he left. "What the fuck, Nick?" he said, when he saw the tray of burgers.

Nick shrugged. “I know you’re hungry, and it’s not like we’re going to get any other customers today. You might as well eat something too.”

"Did Moira—"

"Logan, take the damn burgers out of my kitchen."

Logan took the tray and stalked off. He put the plates on the table in front of Dwayne and said, “Nick—the cook—just made a bunch of extra stuff, I guess it was going to go bad.”

Dwayne raised a perfect eyebrow and said, “Looks great. You hungry?”

Logan shrugged. Dwayne said, “C’mon, eat, it’s cold out. You burn a lot of calories just staying warm here.”

"Alright," Logan agreed. Nick’s bacon cheeseburgers were amazing anyway.

Dwayne took a huge bite of his burger and actually moaned. “This is so good. All I’ve eaten the last few days was cereal.”

"What, you didn’t stock up on bread and milk?"

"I really didn’t think the snow would get so bad. I didn’t want to deal with the craziness at Trader Joe’s, I figured it could wait, and then I just got stuck." Dwayne shook his head. "Next time, I’ll be there with all those other chumps grabbing loaves of bread."

"Forget bread, just keep a freezer full of ground beef."

"Maybe I’ll just come back here," Dwayne said. They ate in silence for a few moments, and then he added, "Sorry if I was getting too personal before. Like I said… I’d been cooped up with nobody to talk to for a few days. And I’m kind of a people person."

"You don’t have a roommate?"

"Well, I do, but he got snowed in at his girlfriend’s place, I haven’t seen him in a week. How ‘bout you?"

"Oh, I live in a house with a bunch of people. And I am not a people person. Matter of fact, I’d kill to get snowed in by myself for a week."

"Hmm," Dwayne said. He picked up another burger. "Well, if you want a break from that, I live right around the corner."

Logan paused for long enough that Dwayne started to say, “Sorry if—”

Logan cut him off and said, “Yeah, okay.”

"Oh. Okay, then." Dwayne chatted amiably about how unbelievable the snow was and how great the Rangers were doing, and eventually they finished their food.

"I’m gonna just take this stuff back to the kitchen."

"I’ll wait for you. I’m in no rush to get back out into the snow."

Logan cleared the table. He loaded up the Hobart, since they didn’t have any busboys.

Nick said, “I texted Moira a picture of you two and she said your body language is fraught with sexual tension.”

"You can feel free to _not_ tell me everything Moira says, you know.” Logan cleared his throat. “Anyway, so, are you closing down for the day?”

Nick raised his eyebrows. “Where are you off to?”

"Nowhere, I mean—"

Nick opened the fridge and pulled out 18 eggs. “Here, take these.”

"I—"

"Take them! Get out of here!"

"Fine," Logan said. He clocked out, put on his jacket, and went up to the house.

Dwayne raised his eyebrow again. “You gonna make me breakfast in the morning?”

"Maybe. As long as you don’t ask so many questions."

Dwayne laughed. “Deal,” he said, and his smile was warm enough to melt at least a foot of snow.


	2. Office Romance AU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "dr. pepperony/office romance AU. or anonymous love letters. or office romance via anonymous love letters AU?"

Pepper Potts frowned down at the employee file in front of her and said, “Tony, do you know how many complaints have been made about you this year?”

Tony shrugged. “Hey, can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs, right?”

Pepper flipped through the file. “You put Bruce Banner’s stapler in Jello. You sent him faxes from himself from the future. You moved his desk to the bathroom.”

"Okay, I mean, when you read the whole list out like that, it sounds kinda bad… but Bruce has never complained! I thought he thought it was funny!"

Pepper shook the file. “He has complained!”

"Well, not to me!"

"Tony, you know Bruce has anger management issues. He’s told me he didn’t want to confront you because he was afraid it would escalate.”

"He—what?"

Pepper furrows her brow. “He has anger management issues. It’s not a secret.”

"I honestly had no idea. I just… uh… I just thought he could use some extra humor in his days. He’s always so quiet."

"Unbelievable, Tony."

"I know, I know," Tony said, biting his lip. "I… will make this up to him. And to you. How about if I take you both out to dinner tonight?"

"Tony, honestly, look at your employee file and reconsider asking the director of HR on a date."

Tony grinned. “I’m the best web developer here. If you guys haven’t fired me yet, you’re not going to today. Come on, I’ll pick you up at 8.”

Pepper shook her head. “I’ll go on a date with you the day you convince Bruce Banner to go on a date with you.”

Tony’s grin widened. “So, like I said, I’ll pick you up at 8.”


	3. Coffeeshop AU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "Wolverine/The Rock, coffeeshop AU"

Logan hears the door open and looks up from the magazine he has propped against the cash register. Xavier’s House of Coffee is usually pretty dead in the late afternoon, so those are the only shifts where Storm schedules him to do anything that might require him to interact with a customer.

This normally suits him fine, but when he sizes up this new customer, he briefly wonders if this is what he’s missing out on by avoiding the morning rush.

"What’ll it be?" he asks, trying not to gape. This guy is huge, and Logan can’t help but wonder what it would be like to fight him. Or fuck him. Maybe a little bit of both.

The customer sizes up the menu and asks, “What’s your specialty?”

"I’m the best there is at what I do, and what I do best is make espresso," Logan says.

"I like your style. I’ll have a triple espresso."

"Name?" Logan asks, Sharpie hovering over the paper cup.

"The Rock."

It’s a measure of how hot the guy is that Logan doesn’t make fun of his name. Instead, he scrawls his number on the cup before filling it with the strongest espresso in the tri-state area.


	4. The Rock and Duarte and Wolverine and a Ghost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "The Rock and Duarte and Wolverine and a ghost"

"Meowwww," Duarte meowed.

"What’s that, Duarte? There’s a ghost in the kitchen?" The Rock asked. "We should go check it out?"

"He’s not Scooby Doo," Wolverine said. "If you want a snack, just go get one. And bring me back a beer!"

The Rock arched his eyebrow. “You’re saying you’re scared of ghosts? I didn’t think you were scared of anything, Wolverine.”

"I’m scared you lost your damn mind."

"Meowwwww," Duarte insisted.

"Okay, buddy, we’ll check it out," The Rock said.

On the way to the kitchen, Duarte stopped to bite Wolverine. The wound healed immediately, but Wolverine still muttered under his breath.

In the kitchen, Duarte wound his way around The Rock’s legs happily. “Oh, hello,” said the ghost. 

"Hello, sir or ma’am," The Rock said.

"After death, gender seems so irrelevant," the ghost said.

"Oh. Well. Could I ask what you’re doing in my kitchen?" The Rock asked.

"I just felt that I wasn’t being taken seriously enough. I thought perhaps if I made an appearance in your kitchen, I could change that," the ghost said.

"Oh," The Rock said.

"Meow," Duarte said. The Rock gave him a treat for being such a good ghost hunter.

Just then, there was a knock at the front door. The Rock opened it to find his old friends, Frank and Sadie Doyle.

"Hello darling, we sensed that you had an abundance of liquor and we came to help you out. We’re such good friends, aren’t we?” Sadie said.

"Oh, and there’s a ghost here too, what a surprise," Frank said.

"Drinks first, spirits later," Sadie said. 

Duarte purred.


	5. Uni-Kitty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "Unikitty wants to join the X-Men."

You know, I’m trying very hard to stay positive, but you are making it very difficult, Wolverine!” Uni-Kitty said, feeling her eyes start to glow orange from all her un-positive thoughts.

"I know the feeling exactly, Uni-Kitty," Jean said.

"Look, I don’t give a shit if she wants to join the team, but everyone knows I get top seat on the double-decker couch during hockey season," Wolverine grumbled.


	6. Brokeback

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "any Wolverine/Dwayne Johnson."

Logan frowned at his computer. He'd logged in to Blackboard, and even pulled up the student roster for his self-defense class, but he couldn't quite bring himself to begin the arduous process of typing in grades for his students. They'd been due yesterday, but he'd suddenly decided it was more important to help Jubilee get some practice driving hours in, and then there'd been a hockey game, and anyway, Chuck had to know Logan wouldn't get them in on time anyway. He'd probably given Logan a fake deadline.

He stared at the list of names. Lee, Jubilation. He typed, "B. Good effort. Often late to class. Stepped on by robot." 

It seemed pointless to type out. If he was doing his job as a teacher, she should already know how she was doing. She certainly remembered being stepped on by a robot. Whatever. He hit "save" and was now 1/8th done with his grading. Then a GChat window popped up. "You there?" it asked. "I have in-flight wifi."

It was from Dwayne, who knew that Logan was always set to "invisible." Logan didn't much care for electronic communications, but sometimes it was better than nothing. Such as when your boyfriend was an extremely busy movie star.

"Yeah," he typed back. "Grading."

"Weren't those due yesterday?"

"Yeah," Logan replied. He could imagine the look of amused exasperation on his boyfriend's face. Dwayne never procrastinated.

"Just get it done before I get back tonight. I want your undivided attention."

"Shouldn't be a problem." Logan tabbed back over to his grades. He gave Piotr Rasputin an A and typed "Good teamwork." Then he opened another tab and scrolled through Yamblr. He scowled when he saw that Rogue had posted a link to a Buzzfeed quiz. Apparently if she and Bobby were a literary couple, they'd be Odysseus and Penelope from The Odyssey. Logan didn't really like the sound of that. Then, out of sheer desire to do anything besides grading, he clicked through to take the quiz.

His chat window dinged again. Dwayne asked, "You grading??"

He ignored it and focused on the quiz. Dream vacation home? "Rustic cabin in the forest," obviously. He stared into space for a moment, thinking of it, before continuing with the quiz.

"How often do you see each other?" Logan clicked "more sporadically than I'd like." If it wasn't Dwayne's shooting schedule, it was Logan's dumb-ass attempts to save the world or mutantkind or whatever else needed saving.

He made his way through the quiz, until it announced: Jack Twist and Ennis del Mar from “Brokeback Mountain”   
You are both on the shy and introspective side, but that doesn’t mean you’re lacking in passion — you just like to keep it hidden around everyone but your significant other. Deep down, you have a relationship that few will experience or truly understand, and you embrace it.

Logan snorted. His chat dinged again and Dwayne said, "I land at JFK in 2 hours. You'd BETTER be done grading by then!"

"Don't worry," he replied.

"I never worry. But maybe you should ;)"

Logan filled in a few more grades. Dwayne was right; their time together was limited enough anyway, he should really buckle down and finish the grades while he was undistracted.

Dwayne periodically counted down how long until Logan needed to leave to pick him up from the airport. Logan submitted his grades 15 minutes before he needed to leave. Then he called in a favor, packed up a few supplies, and got in his Jeep. He left right on time, even though he knew it would actually take Dwayne forever to get past his crowd of fans to meet him. Logan had learned his lesson and brought a book to pass the time. 

Eventually, Dwayne climbed in the passenger seat and leaned down for a kiss. "Welcome back," Logan said, when they finally broke apart. "How was your flight?"

 

"Same old. Did you finish your grading?"

"Yes, sir," Logan said, twisting his mouth into a smirk.

"Good," Dwayne said, flashing his killer smile. "I didn't want to have to punish you."

"Mm-hmm," Logan said. He listened while Dwayne told him stories from the set of his latest movie, occasionally chiming in with "huh" or "hmm," as necessary. 

Then Dwayne said, "Hey, you missed our exit."

"Nah. I have a surprise," Logan said. 

"But--"

"I packed a bag for you, don't worry."

"I never worry, remember?" Dwayne said. 

"Good," Logan said, and he drove them to their destination, a cabin an old friend of his owned outside Peekskill. It wasn't as far away from other humans (and mutants) as Logan would prefer, but it was within a reasonable driving distance. Unlike, say, a mountaintop in Montana.

"Don't worry. It has running water and a real bed," Logan said, before Dwayne could ask. He'd learned that Dwayne wasn't quite as used to the great outdoors as Logan was.

"Thank God."

"And I brought steaks. There's a grill."

Logan found the key under a fake rock and let them inside. They carried in their bags and Logan started making dinner. He and Dwayne both preferred to eat every few hours, and he knew Dwayne was probably starving.

"Uh, Logan, how long are we staying here?"

"Just the weekend, I think. I figured that was about all the time we could get away."

"I just wondered, since you packed 3 cases of beer and 2 bottles of lube."

Logan shrugged. "I like to be prepared."

Dwayne laughed. "I bet you got all this stuff together in less time than it took you to put in final grades for one class."

"Does it matter, as long as I got them done?" 

"I guess not." Dwayne gazed out the window and said, "Hey, for being beyond civilization, this is pretty nice."

"Did I mention there's a hot tub on the deck?"

"Oh? Then it's very nice. But I'm just glad to spend time with you."

"Yeah," Logan said. He rubbed the back of his neck. He was still surprised sometimes by how freely affectionate Dwayne could be. "Uh, steaks are ready."

They ate quietly and intensely. When their plates were clean, Logan asked abruptly, "Hey, uh, did you ever read 'Brokeback Mountain'?"

"Read it? Uh, I saw the movie when it came out, I think. Why?"

"No reason," Logan said. "I'm just, uh. I'm glad to spend time with you, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Which Literary Couple Are You and Your Significant Other](http://www.buzzfeed.com/juliapugachevsky/which-literary-couple-are-you-and-your-significant-other#.iilr51w59)?


	7. #SadnessCave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Wolverine cleaning the [Sadness Cave](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4036849).

Bruce cleared his throat. Logan hated the sound. He hated the reminder that he wasn’t as alone in the wilderness as he’d prefer. And he hated that Bruce almost always cleared his throat before he said something annoying.

“What?” Logan growled.

Bruce said, “It’s just–”

“It’s just _what_?” Logan repeated.

“It’s just, are you planning to recycle your glass bottles? They’re not biodegradable, you know.”

“Am I not keeping this cave clean enough for your standards?”

Bruce shuffled his feet. “It’s not about the cleanliness, it’s just–I was going into town, anyway, so if you want, I can take your bottles?”

Logan didn’t throw anything at Bruce, because he was afraid the Hulk might catch it. Also, he was more susceptible to Bruce’s puppydog eyes than he preferred. “No,” he said. “I’ll take them in later.”

“Are you sure?” Bruce asked. “Because I don’t mind.”

“I mind,” Logan said. “Go away.”

Bruce complied quietly. Logan grumbled to himself, then started collecting the sizable pile of empty glass bottles that occupied a corner of his cave.

He could get five cents each if he turned them in himself, and that would definitely add up.


	8. Subtle Kindnesses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Raven & Irene, Subtle Kindnesses

Raven has never been a particularly messy person, but now she’s always careful to put everything away, just-so, before she leaves the house. She knows Irene’s systems for navigating the house depend on things people put away and no wet towels or cast-aside books lying around for her to trip on. She’s just finished her last sweep of the house when Irene approaches her with an umbrella.

“Take this,” Irene says.

“But the forecast–” Raven starts, then trails off with a shake of her head. “Thank you.” She leans down and kisses Irene goodbye. “I’ll be back soon. I love you.”

“I know.”


	9. The Color Green

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: The Color Green, Tony & Pepper

“ _No_ ,” Pepper said firmly.

“C’mon, Bruce has a sense of humor.”

“I don’t care.”

“But–”

Pepper pulled the paint sample out of Tony’s hand. “I don’t care if he would think it’s funny, we are not painting his suite green while he’s gone. That color is so 70s.”

Tony sighed dramatically and picked up another sample. “Fine. What about purple?”


	10. A Moment's Respite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: A moment's respite, Bruce/Pepper/Tony

“Nothing? What about on Al-Jazeera?” Tony asked.

“Seriously, there’s nothing,” Bruce said. “And I’m sure we’ll hear about it if there is.”

“Just come back to bed,” Pepper said.

“I just can’t believe nothing horrible is happening anywhere,” Tony said.

“Maybe it’s because someone lost their robot-building privileges,” Pepper replied.

“Not like, forever, though, right?” Tony asked. “I totally learned my lesson.”

“I saw they have Lego robots now,” Bruce offered. “Maybe we could get some of those.”

“Ooh,” Tony said.

Pepper pursed her lips. “Well… I hate to ruin a Christmas surprise, but if it’ll keep you busy… in a non-world-destroying way… there may be a few Lego robot sets already in the tower.”

“Oooh!” Tony said.

Pepper crooked a finger at him. “But you have to earn them, first, so come back to bed.”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] The Rock and Duarte and Wolverine and a Ghost](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13180770) by [vassalady](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vassalady/pseuds/vassalady)
  * [[Podfic] #SadnessCave](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13180818) by [vassalady](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vassalady/pseuds/vassalady)




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